Darwin Awards. They're only human.

You tell me that it's evolution... well, you know - we all want to change the world...

The 2005 Darwin Awards announced its top 10 list, helping increase our club by 9 (with 1 posthumous entry). Here are our latest private members. Please join us as we go ape shit over these knuckle-dragging dicks:

1. His name was James. Jesse James. During a hold-up in Long Beach, California, James Elliot's 38-caliber revolver failed. So this wannabe robber pulled a fast one on his intended victim. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. Finally someone can say he put his brain to good use.
2. This gives new meaning to insurance cut backs. When the chef at a Swiss hotel lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine, he submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspected negligence, so they sent an adjuster to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and also lost a finger. Needless to say, the chef's claim was quickly approved. Although the adjuster tried suing his employer, all they gave him was the finger.
3. He was more than a little annoyed in Illinois. A man shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a Chicago blizzard. He returned with his vehicle, only to find that a woman had taken the space. So he did the only thing he could think of... he shot her. Not only was he arrested, but they towed his car, too!
4. Bus drivers can drive some people crazy. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. It seems the bus driver didn't even know how to parallel park.
5. This kid had a loco motive. An American teen was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, he told police he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. He now plans to be an air traffic controller.
6. Crime really does pay. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. As the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for the money in the register. The clerk complied. The thief took the cash and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. How much did he get from the drawer? Just $15. Other stores are now hoping that he pays them a visit as well.
7. Some guys just can't get a break. An Arkansas guy wanted a beer so badly that he figured he'd throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. He lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. Unfortunately, the cinderblock bounced back and hit him on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the window was made of Plexiglas. Adding insult to injury, the whole event was caught on videotape. Maybe he'll try to sue for pane and suffering.
8. There's a good reason why you have the right to remain silent. As a female shopper exited a convenience store in New York, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The store clerk called 911, and the woman was able to give a detailed description of the thief. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher. They drove him back to the store where he was told to stand there for a positive ID, to which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." His confession was an honest mistake.
9. Sometimes you can't have it your way. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The kid behind the counter said he couldn't open the register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the kid said they weren't available for breakfast. The man left. Maybe BK should change their motto to, "It's good to be King."
10. This lesson was hard to swallow. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to the motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesperson said the man admitted to trying to steal gas and plugged his siphon hose into the sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, declaring it was the best laugh he'd ever had. Clearly the siphonist didn't have the stomach for this kind of work, and his career went down the toilet soon thereafter.